MistakeMaker.com

I’m tired of talking to people that have an affair and have no idea how it happened. So I offer you… 5 steps to a successful affair. Follow these steps and you will be well on your way…

1. Center your entire relationship with your spouse around your kids. Continue to allow everything in your family to revolve around your kids. Sign them up for every activity under the sun. Allow them to run your life. After all, you want the best for them right? Continue to allow your relationship with your spouse to erode away to the point where there is no intimacy anymore. You’ll soon find that instead of a spouse, you have nothing more than a roommate. Then you won’t feel so bad for cheating on them.
2. Continue looking at porn and masturbating. I have heard people say, “well I look at porn so I won’t be be tempted to have an affair.” That’s B.S.! If you can’t control yourself from looking at porn and masturbating, you will not control yourself from having an affair…period. The only thing keeping you from having an affair is the right opportunity. As soon as the right opportunity falls in your lap(no pun intended), you will jump all over it(pun intended this time).
3. Don’t think about the damage that an affair would cause. If you rehearse in your mind what an affair would do to your relationship with God, your marriage, your family, or your ministry it might remind you of what a few minutes of hot sex will actually cost you. It turns out that cheap sex isn’t so cheap after all. So don’t think about it.
4. Practice keeping secrets from your spouse. Start with small secrets and work your way up so when the biggie comes you’ll be able to hide it really well. Don’t tell them about the cup of coffee you had, or the conversation through email or text messages. Keep your pillow talk on the surface. Don’t share anything too deep. You might spill some sensitive information that might actually spark some conversation and get some things out in the open.
5. Don’t create safe guards of protection. Live close to the edge at all times. Put yourself in situations where you are alone with the opposite sex. Flirt. When someone flirts with you, respond in kind. Make jokes and sexual innuendos with the opposite sex. It’ll be like a fishing line with bait on the other end waiting for a bite. When you get a nibble, you know what to do.

Ok. Time to go home. Kids are going to bed early tonight. My wife and I are going to eat some Chinese takeout and we’re gonna watch the movie Fireproof. Hopefully we’ll have some pillow talk about how we can strengthen our marriage and then…